Fear by Jim Poket

What keeps us from reaching for our goals and becoming what we truly desire to be?  The number one block to our success, the one which we have the most control of, is fear.  Fear is defined by Webster as "A feeling of anxiety and agitation caused by the presence or nearness of danger, evil, pain, etc." A lot of words leading to a vague definition.  A more concise definition is "Fear is a Negative Fantasy[1]".  In this case, fantasy is defined as a mental image.  A mental image is created whenever there is an unknown.  It is said that nature hates a void, and the same is true of our minds.  Whenever we do not know how things will turn out, we fantasize about the outcome.  When we negatively fantasize about an unknown, that is fear. Another way to look at fear is as The darkroom where our negatives are developed.

Fear has a physiological effect by injecting us with adrenaline.  This in turn brings on the physical feeling of anxiety that we get when faced with the unknown and leads to the fight or flight response.  At times this can be a survival mechanism, such as when faced with a physical danger, yet in our day-to-day lives it can stifle our progress.  There are several acronyms for fear, some of which you will likely relate.  One is F*ck Everything And Run.  This is the acronym that keeps us from achieving our goals.  Another is False Evidence Appearing Real.  My favorite is Feel Everything And Rejoice.  I take note of fear, see it for what it is – a messenger, and then choose how I will react.  Now that you have a different understanding of fear, you too are at choice.  Below is a short, true story of how I was able to process fear and fantasy in a tragic situation and turn it into a positive.  With practice you can too, and with this skill you can become what you imagine you can be. This is especially true in the job search process. We experience fear while waiting to hear back after an interview.  We often fantasize that we did something to sabotage our chances, rather than fantasizing we did a good job and it is just taking a while to be contacted. No matter what we fantasize, the end result will be the same; yet by choosing to fantasize the best outcome, we do not paralyze ourselves and can function to the best of our ability.

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer.  At the time of diagnosis, it was not known if it were terminal or not.  The rest of my family, in fear, fantasized that it was.  I decided I was at choice as how to fantasize this unknown and decided to live my life with my mother as if it were not.  We enjoyed our time together, unencumbered by the sadness that permeated the interactions with the rest of my family.  Nine months later the prognosis was made that her malignancy was terminal and she had only a few months left.  At this time I was able to talk to my mother factually of what was occurring and our relationship progressed to a new level.  My family, who had already fantasized about this outcome, were paralyzed in their emotions, denied the inevitable and would not discuss it with her. The day after she passed, I found myself filled with anger for choosing the fantasy I did.  Yet, when I thought about it, what was the cost of my fantasy?  I was wrong.  That was it, the cost was being wrong.  What did I gain?  Nine months of enjoying my mother.  That is the power of fantasy; it made all the difference in an otherwise tragic experience. The purpose of sharing this story is to show a personal/poignant example of the power of our thoughts, fantasies, and fears.  It is up to each of us to choose our fantasies.  Remember, we are always at choice.  I hope each of you makes the most of yours and become what you truly desire to be.

© March 06, 2026 -Jim Poket – All rights reserved

[1] Definition and acronyms for fear provided by Stan Dale, DHS and the Human Awareness Institute.